No turning back

I was standing down, down, downtown
staring at the puddles on the ground
trying to figure out a way
up out this town
and I know I'm not the only one
So many people out there
chase the sun
If you're looking for a free ride
you better run child
Cause you sure wont get to far
You better dance a dance to make the rain come down
if you want to be a star...... Ohhhhh my life!

My Life
(Brother you know)
Sho ain't been too easy
My life
(Sister you know)
The life I wanna live
My life
(Mama you know)
You're gonna go through changes
My life
No turnin back
(I'm tellin' you no)

Erykah Badu/ Mama's Gun Album/My Life(song)

I quote this song alot, I remember when I interviewed on MasterChef.
We (myself and the camera crew and the interviewer) were all talking and before I knew it we were all crying. I'm probably the best crier ever. I'm so good at it!!! I cry when I'm happy, sad, surprised, nervous, anxious and on TV shows. I'm well aware that my tear ducts work and so is anyone else who knows me! LOL. I finished shooting my second project this weekend and now we are just waiting for the approvals and all that jazz..... Time taking her sweet time, the quiet is time for reflection.

 I look back and laugh because exactly two years ago I was leaving Dallas, headed to California for my MasterChef experience. I was nervous, excited, overjoyed, amazed and in complete awe that this was really happening to me.All the hype, glitz, glamour and reality of a "reality"show suddenly became clear that there was nothing real about the reality show, except the contestants. It was an experience though. Once I returned to my regular life in Dallas, I was so depressed. I lost my job, no income, nothing!!!! I know who carried me through.

When all of this was going on, I kept saying Lord why me??? Why would you let me get there, lose and come back and lose even more? God planted some serious angels in my life. From friends, to my landlord to random strangers. I never went without anything that I needed. There was nothing extra, I was truly swinging on the vine of faith. I kept wanting to quit and leave everything to go back to Arkansas to what was comfortable. I endured alot!!!! But I knew that giving up on my dream and going back home was like spitting in God's face, simply because he continued to make a way and I couldn't let him down and throw away my dream because it got uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is apart of the process. Switching dreams isn't a rescue, you will still have to endure some discomfort. You can't turn back.

This one Sunday I went to church and the sermon was on the parable about the mustard seed.
It's not about the size, but the strength. Mustard will always be mustard no matter what you do it. You have to have that kind of faith in whatever you dream of and work for. You have permission to do everything, but quit, continue to trust God and he won't let you turn back.....

Keep diggin' it's in there. Just keep diggin!